Doner Kebab Pot Noodles, and the Fall of Civilization
There are a number of things that only make sense to students. David Hasselhoff is one of them, and there’s a new addition to the canon courtesy of Pot Noodle.
If you’ve ever eaten a Pot Noodle, you’ll know that they represent one of man’s lesser achievements. They aren’t exactly know for their nutritional value, and the people that eat them tend to be of a somwehat lazy disposition – they are the ones who can’t muster up the energy to boil some noodles and add a few peas. Unilever – the company that owns the brand – have even been running a competition to win a battery-operated spinning fork, just to make sure you don’t accidentally burn a few molecules whilst consuming them.
Likewise, Doner Kebabs are not known for being healthy, but they’re a drunken favourite of many. But what if you’re one of the lazy ones, and can’t be bothered to leave the house for a mountain of fatty goodness?
Well, fret not – you can now delight in the water-soaked atrocity that is a Doner Kebab-flavoured instant noodle snack.
The geniuses at Unilever (and I use the term lightly) have decided that there’s clearly a market for clashing two polar opposites on the taste scale, and have launched their offensive on the general public with one of the worst TV ads I’ve ever seen.
Think about it logically. There’s a reason why you can’t buy noodles in your local kebab shop, or why you’ve never found yourself eating a Doner in Chinatown – the two cannot, and were never meant to be combined.
I talked last week about television having reached saturation point, and perhaps this is the food equivalent. If you can’t come up with something that might actually be appealing, why not put out a product that almost prides itself on the notion of being disgusting? Perhaps it’s a sign of the times, but that’s the only reason anybody could possibly want to taste this car crash of foodstuffs – and I speak as somebody who has tried Walkers’ full range of revolting crisps.
My only hope is that anybody stupid enough to actually eat one of these is involved in a freak kettle boiling accident, limiting their reproductive capabilities and preserving at least some dignity for the human race.
On another note…
About a month ago I posted the aforementioned article condemning Walkers’ new variety of crisp flavours, and it appears to have generated quite a bit of traffic to the blog – but not necessarily in a good way.
It turns out that the said article is now the 10th Google result for ‘make yourself ill.’ If that’s what’s brought you here, that really is not cool, and I strongly urge you to reconsider what you’re thinking of doing.
Stay healthy, and lay off the Pot Noodles.